Too many ideas!

If you’re an adult with ADHD, then chances are that at some point in your life, you’ve felt that you’re not “living up to your potential.” What a lousy way to feel about yourself! This judgment often manifests itself when you take stock of all the great ideas you’ve had that have never gone anywhere, and all the unfinished projects that you’ve started but never completed.

The overwhelming number of things that you haven’t followed through on can lead you to believe that there is something wrong with you, that you’re not as good as the people around you, or that you’re not living up to your potential.

But I’d like you to consider an alternative viewpoint…

By nature, adults with ADHD are visionaries and idea generators. If only someone would pay us to think up great ideas all day long—we’d all be rich!  But we get so many great ideas, and they come so frequently, that it would be absolutely impossible to follow through on every one of them.

Think about it: If you tried to implement every good idea you ever had, if you set into motion every project you ever thought about taking on… would you have time to eat, sleep, or even breathe right now? Probably not! But this doesn’t mean that you’re lazy, broken, or not living up to your potential.

Successful adults with ADHD know that they are always going to have great ideas that never come to fruition. And that’s okay. It’s just our nature to be constantly thinking, creating, and innovating. Many of us can’t shut off this part of ourselves even when we try. But we simply don’t have the physical or mental capability to follow through on every great idea we get, or every fantastic project we think of.

The key to feeling better about this is to realize that some things are actually worth following through on, and some are not. Let go of the guilt. Refuse to listen to that little voice in your head that tells you you’re lazy, just because you have too many good ideas to keep up with!

Don’t put pressure on yourself to do it all because that will only lead to overwhelm and burnout. Instead, ask yourself what’s practical to follow through on in the present. Not every great idea is appropriate to take action on right away. Some projects are better left on the shelf until the time is right, and some projects aren’t worth taking on at all. Keep a notebook in which you write down these great ideas and projects so that you can come back to them when—and if—you want to.

It’s also a good idea to journal about a few of your past great ideas or projects that you actually did follow through on. Let these be your motivation for moving forward. After all, it’s not that you’re incapable of following through on things, it’s just that you can’t possibly follow through on everything!

And don’t forget to acknowledge this special quality that you have. The ability to generate so many great ideas makes you a visionary!

Does this article ring true for you? Does it help you to let go of some guilt about unfinished projects or un-acted upon ideas? Tell us what you think in the comments!

The ADHDmanagement.com Podcast Series is back!

As an adult with ADHD, you know how important it is to create an environment that works with your ADHD. We’re always striving to find the best ways to improve focus, organization, and productivity. But what about at work, where you can’t necessarily control your environment?

In this podcast, I talk with ADHD Coach Jay Carter about workplace accommodations for people with ADHD. Take a listen to:

• Find out what constitutes a “reasonable accommodation” for an adult with ADHD
• Get some tips for asking your boss or human resources professional for an accommodation
• Learn about the kinds of workplace accommodations that adults with ADHD often find helpful 
  

Download MP3 | Subscribe with iTunes

And in the next ADHDmanagement.com podcast, I’ll be talking with Coach Becca Colao about parenting with ADHD. Not parenting kids with ADHD, but how to survive when YOU, the parent, is the one with ADHD! It’ll be a blast, so stay tuned!

And if you have a question about being a parent with ADHD, then feel free to call in and record a question for us! Becca and I just may answer your question on the podcast. Our question line is:

Also, feel free to share a recent ADD moment with us! Again, we just might share it on the next podcast! Our ADD moments line is:

It’s always fun to talk with my old friend Tara and discuss the topics that we, as veteran ADHD coaches, think are most important for adults who are managing ADHD.

In this show, Tara and I take a look at the role that a person’s attitude, or mindset, plays in their life. Take a listen as we consider:

• Why a person with ADHD might develop a negative mindset
• How a positive mindset can lead to more success in life, and to better ADHD management
• The small steps that you can take immediately to start building a more positive mindset

Take a listen here: Attitude, Mindset, and Adult ADHD

I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful!

It’s rare to see a story in the media (especially one on a popular network program) take such a personal approach to ADHD and the adults who have been diagnosed with it. I was pleasantly surprised to see that no one was villianized in this story; not the adults with ADHD, not the doctors who diagnose it, and not the pharmaceutical companies who make the medicines that treat it. Instead, we got a glimpse into the lives of real people, and that is refreshing.

I highly recommend taking the time to view this video, and taking the time to pass it along, too!

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Sound familiar?

This image is just one in the If my brain was an imaginary friend series at The Oatmeal. Definitely check it out for some more laughs!

A negative mindset challenges my ability to think I am capable.

And Shawn added:

I am generally a very positive person, at least on the outside. Inside I have spent years aware of the difficulties in my life that ADHD has contributed to and constantly felt less or “broken”.

These negative “beliefs” about ourselves are common among adults with ADHD. Years of feeling different–or of having your differences pointed out and/or criticized–create a false belief that being different is bad, and that there is something wrong with you because you are different.

As a result, we go through early life desperately wishing that we could be just like everyone else. That we could pay attention in class without squirming around or zoning out. That we could easily find those homework assignments. That we could get the rules of the game as quickly as the other kids in the neighborhood. That our parents would stop telling us to clean our rooms when, to us, they seemed totally neat and organized! And so on.

We become aware of these ADHD differences and try even harder to “fit it,” never quite succeeding. And as time goes on, we just notice more and more differences that lead to challenges. We procrastinate on studying for high school exams. We can’t seem to get to work on time. We forget birthdays. And so on.

So the bad feelings build. We look at ourselves and we see only differences and challenges. We often blame ADHD rather than try to understand its affect on it. We don’t stop to think about the things that we do well, or the skills or talents that we have. They are overshadowed by all the negative feelings that we have about ourselves. We become obsessed with “doing better” and then we become obsessed with hating ourselves when our best efforts fail.

There is plenty to say about why those best efforts often fail and how to approach change in ADHD-friendly ways (for example, the Life Skills section of this blog offers plenty of coaching help), but for now we’re simply going to focus on the idea of mindset. It’s easy to see how this negative mindset is perpetuated. It’s easy to see why we feel broken or incapable of succeeding at our goals. What can be harder to see is why this mindset is flawed.

While the “different = bad” mindset still prevails in our culture, it’s changing. Teachers are now being trained not only to respect learning differences, but to cater to all learning styles. More and more parents are valuing their children as unique individuals. And even employers are becoming receptive to accommodating  their employees’ preferences for working environments. Slowly but surely, the world is beginning to understand that people are different and that’s okay. We all know this intellectually, and now we have to start embracing it emotionally. We have to realize that–ADHD or not–we, too, are allowed our differences and that these differences do not make us bad people.

One strategy that can be helpful in changing a negative mindset and shedding the idea that you are incapable or broken is to notice your self-critical thoughts whenever possible, and distance yourself from them. Then ask yourself, “Would I be this critical of a friend? Would I say the same things to a friend that I say to myself?” If you have a child in your life (your child, a niece or nephew, or even just a favorite kid in the neighborhood), it can be even more helpful to think about how you would feel if you knew that child was telling her or himself the same things that you are telling yourself.

Example #1:

Your Thought: I’m late to work again! What is wrong with me? Why am I such a failure that I can’t even get to work on time?

What You Might Say to a Friend: It’s okay! I know you feel disappointed but you’re not doing it on purpose! Is there something that you can change in your routine to help you leave on time? Would you benefit from getting some outside help for this challenge?

Example #2:

Your Thought: I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I forgot an appointment today! Everyone must think I’m an idiot.

What You Might Say to a Child: I don’t think you’re an idiot. I think you’re great! You just made a mistake. Making a mistake doesn’t mean that you’re stupid. Everyone makes mistakes.

It can be hard at first to catch yourself as you experience these negative thoughts, and it can be even harder to detach and imagine what you would say to another person in the same situation. But it can be done! Through your compassion for other people, you can begin to build compassion for yourself. From there, you build resilience and a more rational, balanced view of your differences and challenges. ADHD becomes a part of what makes you who you are, rather than a bad thing that you’ve been cursed with.

No one goes from being a negative thinker to a positive thinker overnight. But a rational, balanced, and realistic view of yourself as an individual is, at least, neutral ground. This may seem like a small change, but it can help you shift from feeling broken and incapable of success to feeling like a normal, everyday person who sometimes has challenges. Just like everyone else.

Think about the people in your life… do you know anyone who is a “perpetual victim”? Perpetual victims tend to complain all the time, and they blame other people for everything and anything that is difficult in their lives. They have a very strong belief that life is hard, and that there’s nothing they can do to change that.

I think we’ve all known a perpetual victim, and some of us have more than one in our lives. Their negativity, complaints, and anger can be absolutely draining. Sometimes you just want to take the perpetual victim by shoulders and say, “Stop complaining and do something!”

That is, unless it’s actually YOU who is the perpetual victim…

In my work with ADHDers, I’ve found that there is a mix of people in our community. There definitely are some perpetual victims. Some people want to blame their ADHD for every challenge they’ve had in life. They are angry at the people who don’t understand them, and they believe that they’re destined to live a miserable life. So they complain, complain, complain. And they take on the role of a victim.

But there are also people who have similar feelings and, yet, do not take on the role of the victim. In fact, many successful and well-adjusted people do blame their ADHD for their challenges, and they do get angry when they feel misunderstood. They even complain sometimes. But not for long. Rather than take on the role of a victim, they take on the role of a survivor, a doer, or a maverick.

The difference between these two types of people can be explained by a number of factors. The one that I’m most interested in right now, though, is mindset. Some people tend toward a more positive outlook, and some toward a more negative outlook.

More often than not, the family of origin passes down a general mindset. ADHD or not, we grow up with parents who are either positive or negative. Sometimes people have a parent of each persuasion, which can make things even more difficult! But science has proven over and over again that we are a product of nature and nurture. That we can change the way we think, and the way we do things.

I’ll be exploring this topic for a little while here on the ADHDmanagement.com blog because, well, there is a lot I want to say! And in the meantime, I have two requests for you:

1. Before I continue to write on this topic and you continue to read about it, please ask yourself, “Am I a perpetual victim? Do I complain all the time? Do I blame my ADHD for my challenges? Do I blame others for my difficulties?” If the answer is “yes” or “sometimes”—and most certainly if the answer is, “you don’t understand how hard it is for me”—then please don’t get angry at me and don’t get down on yourself! There is no judgment here. My goal is to help you build the skills that you need to thrive in your life. And in order to do that, you need to develop your self-awareness and be honest with yourself. (P.S. Even I do these things sometimes, so I think we all have room to learn how to improve ourselves.)
2. Please make use of the comments section for this post. Tell me where a negative mindset challenges you most. Have you tried to overcome it before and, if so, did it work? Why or why not? Let me know what I can specifically address to help you in this area.

I’m looking forward to continuing this discussion with you! For now, do me a favor… smile. No matter what’s going on in your life, just stop and smile. Research shows that the simple act of smiling improves your mood. It can’t get any easier than that!

 See Also: ADHD in Adults: Shifting a Negative Mindset

As you may have noticed, we’ve been silent for a while here at ADHDmanagement.com. As the CEO of this site and the ADD Management Group, I had to put our work on hold for just a couple of months. Sometimes life forces you to shuffle your priorities and direct your attention to things you don’t expect. In many ways, the entire year of 2012 was like that for me. Lots of unexpected surprises, both good and not-so-good. But nothing that could keep me down for too long!

I’m both eager and excited to ease back into my work with the ADHD community. This “work” rarely feels like work to me, because I truly enjoy my fellow ADHDers and I’m passionate about helping us all to live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot — a LOT — about how our attitudes and mindsets affect our lives. The topic itself isn’t new, as many of you have read or heard me talk about “ADDjusting Your Attitude” to successfully manage ADHD. But I’ve been exploring this topic in new ways as of late, and I’m looking forward to sharing some of these ideas and strategies with you. Keep a lookout for a new post on this topic this week!

So thanks for hanging in there with us, and especially with me! Get ready for some very cool stuff to come your way in 2013 as we once again renew our commitment to making ADHDmanagement.com your go-to guide for managing adult ADHD!

All My Best,
Jen

If you know me well, then you no doubt know that my favorite season is Spring.

I admit that I’ve never understood people who name Fall as their favorite season! It’s mostly cool, gray, and things are dying all around. Those pretty red and orange leaves are really just dying leaves. I find it rather depressing!

By the time winter hits, I get hit with the blues. October is fairly pleasant, November is cold and dark, December is saved by the holiday festivities, and then January is just plain awful! (Except, of course, for my daughter’s birthday at the end of the month. ) By February, I’m freezing, miserable, and have very little motivation. March is usually no better, because despite the promises of March going “out like a lamb,” it rarely does. I can depress myself just thinking about it!

In my many years of coaching adults with ADHD, I’ve learned that I’m not alone in dreading the winter, and the winter blues. A psychiatrist once told me that the majority of adults with ADHD that she sees here in New York suffer from the winter blues, and a significant number suffer from full-blown Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. While I’ve never been diagnosed with SAD, I’m definitely affected by the seasons, and I definitely suffer from mild depression, lack of motivation, and low energy during the winter.

How about you? Are you feeling a little down with the turn of the seasons and starting to dread the coming winter?

Two years ago, I finally (after years of recommendations) decided to try light therapy, and bought a lightbox. I was told to start using it no later than October, when natural light begins its noticeable decline. I held out hope that using the lightbox would somehow make the winter more bearable. And I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised when it did!

That first year, I worried that I would forget to use my lightbox, or that I wouldn’t be able to find the time to fit it into my day. And now I know from experience that making time for the lightbox is no big deal. I work it into my morning routine rather easily by allowing it to shine on me while I’m having my morning coffee. If that doesn’t work for me one day, then I’ll set it up to shine on me while I’m working, or find some time to sit with it mid-morning. It takes only 10-15 minutes a day, so it’s pretty easy to find the time for it. And one of the great things about light therapy is that you can use your lightbox while you’re doing other things—reading, working, or even watching TV. It doesn’t have to be one more thing to worry about!

Light therapy has made a real difference for me. When I’m using my lightbox in the fall/winter, I clearly notice the following benefits:

• I click into my day a lot quicker. I used to feel “out of it” all day long in the fall and winter, and now I find it much easier to engage.
• I have more energy during the day, and fall asleep easier at night. It helps me regulate my natural sleep cycle.
• I actually get things done on those gray days, instead of slumming around and procrastinating.
• I’m happier, and more pleasant to be around. This alone makes life easier (and not just for me!)

If you’ve ever suffered from the winter blues, and certainly if you’ve ever suffered from full-blown SAD, then I urge you to consider buying a lightbox. I recommend the products made by Northern Light Technologies. The SADelite Desk Lamp is what I use because it’s small, but powerful. It costs about $200, and will run for a few seasons without needing replacement bulbs.

If $200 seems like a big investment for a lamp, ask yourself this: how much is my happiness worth? (Not to mention your productivity!) For me, the purchase of a lightbox was an investment that has truly paid off.

Do you suffer from SAD, or the winter blues? How do you manage it? Have you ever tried light therapy? Tell me about your experiences in the comments!